Re: The Prodigal (song series)

[Nedward Underhill]

APPLES ON THE TREE 4/25/96

i don’t think you are listening very hard
to what i have been trying to get through
we’ve spent the last half-hour running circles of the mind
and i’m getting tired
(i’m past tired)

you are the one who said don’t compromise
you told me my beliefs were everything
but now i realize it’s all a sham (it’s such a shame)
you were a lie

OH WELCOME IN MY SON TO ARMS OF LOVE
(YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL YOU KNOW)
THERE’S APPLES ON THE TREE
OH WELCOME IN MY SON YOU ARE THE LUCKY ONE
(YOU KNOW YOU REALLY ARE)
YOU’RE WHERE THEY WANT TO BE

but now i’ve had a taste of medicine
now i’ve had to face the bitter pill
that the life you sold me on was just a dream inside your mind
but did you really believe it?

i was not the lucky child of love
don’t turn away from me, face my demand
no more hiding behind your lies
i will force the truth
from your eyes

the truth will set you free
that’s what you said
but i found chains upon me
when told the truth
and if i can say to you today
that i’m not your child
can you decently admit
and set me free

i’ll take your silence as a yes
how could you think that i would never know?
all my life i’ve searched for puzzle pieces of myself
and the tables missing

well clearly i can’t stay here anymore
just give my fair share and i will go
you’ll never hear from me again
until i find myself

and i
i think it’s time i opened my eyes
i think you might be still seeing a child
i’ll go away until i am alive

[Nedward Underhill]

These are the words of a series of songs I wrote in 1996. Unfortunately, I don't have a decent recording of the music.

The song series is a creative retelling of the parable of the prodigal son from the Bible. (Luke 15:11-32)

[Nedward Underhill]

ALL MY LIFE 4/28/96

all my life
i felt you waiting
like an old friend
waiting to speak
all my life
it seems so unreal
to have been alive
and not be with you
oh but we can forget the past
because nothing matters but you and me

(AND) FINALLY MY LIFE IS BEGINNING
I’VE FINALLY FOUND MYSELF
WHEN YOU APPEARED THE LIGHT SHONE UPON ME
AND I KNEW THAT I COULD START
FOLLOWING MY HEART

oh my life
you are much closer to me
than my skin
i wear you inside
come to me
hold on to my hand
and we’ll run away
into the night
oh but it wont be night for me
because i’ll have your luminous body

in your arms i can forget all the pain in my life
you give me the greatest gift
a new start
a second chance
oh it’s hard to believe that

[Nedward Underhill]

THIS IS IT 4/26/96

society - here i come
i’m finding out what life is for
i was a fool
i was a foolish child
but i’m not a child anymore

who needs reasons to be here
i’ve never felt this good before
with a beautiful girl standing beside me
the simple truth is all i need to know

THIS IS IT (THIS IS IT)
THIS IS WHAT WE’RE LIVING FOR
THIS IS IT (THIS IS IT)
I’VE WASHED AWAY THE DELUSION
[I’LL WASH MY HANDS OF DELUSION]

all this time i’ve drowned in confusion
when i needed just a little love
life’s too short to waste it with dreaming
i’ve realized the human touch

this is my little bottled message
for those deluded by a soul
break those chains and discover your freedom
you can’t take it with you, you know

the tragic truth for the believer
is that nothing’s mystical
and if life is a meal of bread and wine
you’ll find me under the table

[Nedward Underhill]

PRODIGAL 4/24/96

it’s not much but it’s mine
its taken alot to become defined
and the downtown city life is fine
but i’m waiting
always waiting
trying to get you of my mind

maybe you wont call
you’ve stopped calling
the down side of this life i lead
is the dark
darkness
the shadow just inside my eyes

BUT TODAY I SAW YOU AGAIN
I THOUGHT THAT I SAW
SOMEONE WHO LOOKED VERY MUCH LIKE YOU
AND I OPENED MY EYES
AND I OPENED MY MOUTH
FOR THE WORDS TO COME OUT
BUT I WAS MISTAKEN AND IT WASN’T YOU
I’M SURE THAT IT WASN’T YOU
I DIDN’T CALL

the phone sits off the hook
i stand in the dark and with an itchy palm
and the down down life is fine
you were too strong
too much in love
you were a father i could not understand

ah... i’ve always known i was not your good son
i’m a long way off
and i’ll be damned
before i get back on my knees again

it’s how i maintain my life
i spend my days with the city swine
and i am not prodigal
i standing strong
i’m all my own
i just feel asleep and i don’t know why

[Nedward Underhill]

THE NIGHT THAT YOU LEFT 4/26/96

where have you gone my love
please don’t leave me here
where have you gone my voice
how can you just disappear
all this time i’ve needed you to feel a human being
and now you're missing
missing

where have you disappeared
i thought we were forever
why did you break away
what did i do? what did i say?
please i’m begging you don’t stay away
i am afraid
of the darkness that’s everywhere

(AND) I DIED THE NIGHT THAT YOU LEFT ME
AND I’M STILL TRYING TO UNDERSTAND
I KNOW THAT I DIED BECAUSE THE NIGHT GOT AHOLD OF ME
AND I CAN’T SEEM TO OPEN MY EYES
NO I CAN’T SEEM TO OPEN MY EYES

what do you want from me
what do i have to to do
i’m going mad in here
please just let me see you
i’m so ashamed that i can’t say exactly when you left
i am unworthy but please
come home because

fire
it feels like fire
burning inside

please why
who are you doing this to me?
why do you want to hurt me?

i just want her back
i don’t want you
father stay away from me
i don’t believe in you
and i wont believe
and i can’t believe
no matter what you say
get outside
get outside
get out of the way

now i don’t believe the words you say are true
and i wont be the man you want me to
‘cause it’s clear as day that i’m a sinner in your eyes
and if she was just a game you played you should be despised

BECAUSE I DIED THE NIGHT THAT SHE LEFT ME
AND I DON’T NEED TO UNDERSTAND
CAUSE I’D RATHER BE DEAD THAN TO FACE THE AWEFUL TRUTH
THAT I LEFT HER BEHIND

OH I DIED THE NIGHT THAT I LEFT YOU
AND I FINALLY UNDERSTAND
THAT I’VE BEEN SO AFRAID TO FACE THE FACE OF YOU
INSIDE MY EYES

father i have sinned against heaven
and before you
i know i am not worthy to be your son
i know i am unworthy as a son
i know now why i’ve been alone

[Nedward Underhill]

FATHER, LOVER 4/27/96

father, pride
suits me well
because i’ve worn it so long
but i’ve come to say that i was wrong
and i’ve finally realized i must come home

lover, i
understand
if your heart has become cold
for i never did deserve your love
and i feel like a disgrace in front of you

FATHER, LOVER
WHATEVER YOU MAY BE
LET ME STAY
HERE
I’M ALIVE
WHENEVER YOU’RE WITH ME
LET ME SERVE
PLEASE

i know i am not your son
because i still cannot see through
but you are always who i am
and though i’m blind i’ll live my life embracing you

i was lost
now i’m found
i see the darkness recede
and though i may never know your love
at last the battle with my pride has been won

father, lover
whatever you may be
father, lover
please hold me

[Nedward Underhill]

THE RETURN 4/27/96

i am still amazed at what i saw
when finally i came home
there was a figure running hard
tripping itself in eagerness
when i released into those arms
i was washed in ready tears
and i heard a cry

THIS IS MY SON
THE MISSING ONE
THE LIFE THAT WAS LOST HAS BEEN FOUND

purified by the light within those tears
i stand in white before you all
and i’ve realized that i was never blind
just trapped in darkness made of fear
and i know i’ll never understand
my father’s patience
(my lover’s love)

as a son i’m illegitimate
but nowhere else do i feel home
though i cannot justify my love with sense
i’m no longer driven to control
because i’ve learned that with the damns in place
i’ve cut myself off from the source of life

and though this is my story
and this is my song
i no longer say that this is the day
that i became one
much more than a single narrative trace
i’ve been washed in the hands of grace
i’ve become lost in the many voices
part with my father
joined with the mother
in my lover’s embrace
and the turning hands of the clocks have stopped
and the water and the blood is mixing up
and light is shining
and light is burning
burning burning burning life upon